10 Reasons Scotland Should Vote ‘No’ in the Referendum

On Thursday 18th September, Scotland will hold a referendum that will decide its constitutional future. Everyone has voiced their opinion on the subject, from Barack Obama to Susan Boyle.

So here are 10 compelling arguments as to why Scotland should remain part of the UK. In the interest of fairness and balance, we will be offering you 10 reasons as to why Scotland should leave the UK tomorrow.

1) The grin on Alex Salmon’s face if Scotland gains independence. All that smugness can’t be healthy

alex-salmond_1215718c

Mmm, the delicious taste of smugness

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2) We’ll have one more bloody country to sit through during the Eurovision Song Contest.

eurovision_298893c

And another country to give England nil point

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3) We’ll have to redesign the Union Jack. Considering the Olympic logo fiasco, that’s a risk none of us can afford to take.

Olympic logo 1

Maggie Simpson didn’t turn out quite as expected…

Olympic mascot

That’s right. Just a one-eyed penis monster.

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4) Scotland will have won Wimbledon more recently than the UK.

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78 years of hurt… And counting…

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5) The UK will lose some of its most gorgeous sceneries.

Scotland scenery

England will still have Birmingham, though.

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6) If left alone, there’s a risk Donald Trump will turn Scotland into one giant golf course.

donald trumps

You’ve been trumped. Retro-trumped.

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7) Having to sit through endless ‘Cool Caledonia’ bullshit articles whenever a Scottish band breaks the top 10

travis6p

Why does it always rain on me? Well, because Scotland.

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8) Just when the deep-fried doner kebab pizza was starting to catch on…

deep fried doner kebab

Yeah, alright, maybe we can pass on that one

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9) Scotland will still be part of the EU, NATO, ECHR, the WTO, the TTIP, the UN, and will still be at the mercy of the US, China, and the financial powers that dictate terms to our ‘democratic’ governments.

reaganomics

Nation-states. It’s so 19th Century.

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10) England will be condemned to a Tory rule for the next 150 years, which will slowly turn our country into one giant branch of Tesco Express.

George-Osborne-and-David-Cameron

Seriously. Leaving us alone with those two? Would you have the heart?

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